Entry #7: Letting go of Control

Whenever I hear the word control I imagine a tight grip around someone’s arm and I have a grand problem with control. Yes, I admit I do have some control issues and I recently have needed to learn to come to terms with them and let my control go.

I do not want to say control is a scary thing or a dangerous thing to play with, there are benefits to control, but only within yourself. I say it’s dangerous because a majority of us think we have the power to control everything in our lives from the events we experience to how others feel. News flash, that is not possible.

If you look up the definition of control you’ll get something along the lines of this: the power to influence or direct people’s behavior of the course of events. Well isn’t that a bunch of bullshit. There is no way in hell you have power over another person or the course of events. But guess what? That’s actually a great thing because that means no one actually has true power of control over you! You might influence people or people might influence you, but you make the choices at the end of the day.

To give you a better picture, let me tell you about my control issues and the problems it has caused for me. I am one of those people who thinks that they can have control of everything or at least I want to say I used to be one of those people. It’s a work in progress type of situation. Anyways, I’ve noticed this in two key aspects of my life. Two that I experience pretty much in day-to-day life.

You might influence people or people might influence you, but you make the choices at the end of the day.

That Digital Journal

The first being my job, yes this blog is my job, but I am talking about the one that I get a steady income from and that I go to 5 days a week. I recently stepped into a new role where I manage a group of people and along with that I get to take ownership in directing a portion of that team in visual merchandising. For those who shop in retail spaces, that is the portion of the business that makes the stores look pretty and makes it fun and easy for you to shop. I was on this team before I became a leader and I was used to handling the tasks I was given on my own. Now, I am on the other side of that, handing those tasks out and supporting the people as they execute those tasks. Last week was my first day where I got to lead this team. I passed out tasks and had a couple projects for myself. I gave myself the most amount of tasks because they were things I wanted done in a specific way. Want to know what happened? Nothing got done on time.

So where did I go wrong here? I was having a hard time letting go of my control. I like doing things my way and tend to struggle with letting others step in. These things were things that easily could have been divided up and done if I just let go of the control of the event. You could flip it around and say, “But Reggie you could not have predicted you were not going to finish everything.” That is where I say that’s true, but I knew with the position I am I need to have trust that my team can get all this done and I am here to oversee and support. As being in that position of leadership that’s my responsibility to delegate and support, but I wanted it done in my particular fashion, which is where my issue with control lies.

The other area in my life where I am giving up control is in my relationships and this goes for all my relationships. What does that mean? I realize when things don’t go my way or pose as an “inconvenience” I get a bit irritated. For the longest time my parents have always told me that when they’d ask me to do something for them I never did it when they asked, but rather when it was convenient for me to do it. And now reflecting on it they told me this so many times, and I never fully really knew what I was doing until now. To add to this I have this friend, who I have been friends with since I was 4, and she brings this up to me often because it’s so funny, but now that I sit and look back on it, it was most definitely a control issue. I would go through her things without asking and we would get into arguments all the time because I always thought I was right. When she would try to tell me something new or something I didn’t like an argument would break out. There was a point where we even got into a fist fight about it. I always wanted to be in control because when I was not in control of the relationship I’d feel small.

 DAMN that just came out of nowhere when I was writing that. I’m just learning about myself as I write this post. 

Anyways, back to my point of letting go of control. Control is not a dangerous thing, when we are talking about control in the sense of our own being. It is actually quite miraculous when we control our own being. What I mean by control in our own being is that you are the only thing that controls you. People may influence you, but you have the power to only control your thoughts, your words, your actions, and your reactions. Basically anything having to do with your mind and physically being you have the power over it opposed to other beings. Are you picking up what I am putting down?

To give you a better understanding, let’s take a journey back to my post A Direct Reflection of Yourself, specifically in the part where I’m talking about an encounter I had with someone who was very quick to judge me. During this time I was aware of control over myself, but to the extent that I understand now. When this situation occurred I could have gone to that person and could have ripped them a new one or could have told them that I am a great person and all of this, to “make” them like me or “make” them feel a certain way about me. Instead, I controlled my reaction by not talking or conversing with them after the fact. I controlled my decision on what I wanted  internally by reflecting on what was said to me, and I controlled the actions I took following the event to empower and grow myself as an individual. See how powerful control is?

INSIDE MY MIND MOMENT

When I think about control and why I have issues with it, I think it’s because I fear the unknown. If you know me you know I am always learning something new, so that I know. I think that is where my need-to-be-right issue comes from, which is another thing I am letting go of. I must embrace that unknown and embrace all that I do not know, so that I can know. 

That tight grip I have on control is energy not well spent. It’s a low vibration energy that no longer serves me and I know it is something that no longer serves you either. I am loosening grip and advise you to do the same. Remember the only thing you can control is your own being. You have the power to control your thoughts, your words, your actions, and reactions. When you find yourself in a moment where you are trying to control an event or someone, do this thing I call breath deep n’ ride the wave. Take a big inhale through your nose and exhale out your mouth and allow for whatever is happening to happen. Surrender that control and you’ll see some major shifts in your life.